Volunteering

So I went for a Volunteer orientation at the Drop In Center. I am kind of disappointed in myself of being afraid of walking into the building. I know its not exactly the safest place in the world to be but driving isn't the safest thing in the world either. The orientation was 3 hours long and part of it was to help hand out meals to the clients. We got a tour of the facility and where the greatest needs for volunteers are. There on a locked floor in the back was a very small art studio. It is run completely on volunteers and donated supplies. I found out right now that it is only open one day a week because one volunteer can only make it that day. Most of the clients at the drop in center aren't even aware of its existence because of the lack of volunteers in there. So I guess that where I am going.

I stood there staring at the artwork already presented. The extreme loneliness of being homeless. I can't imagine the ignorance they must endure when they leave the building. I can picture people crossing the sidewalk because a homeless person is walking down the street or people yelling at them to get a job. Actually there are 2 floors in the center that are transitional beds. These people are the working poor. They ride there donated bikes or take transit to get to work. They work but they cannot afford housing. They are waiting for low income housing to open up. They have to follow strict rules before there application to be on these floors are even considered.

Then there is the floor for the addicts. Every shelter in this city will not allow a person under the influence into there building no matter how cold it is. The drop in center has a area for them. They of course aren't allowed to bring substances in the building but at least they have a warm place to sleep. Maybe I am crazy for volunteering here. Maybe I am selfish in the way that I wanted to give back to a place that housed my brother. I wish I wasn't afraid of the large amount of mentally ill people there is there. Its not there fault. If it wasn't for Tim in my life right now I can easily see myself in one of those beds. With how I shut down this year and how my brain kind of gave up for a while. It only takes a unfortunate event and months of convincing yourself your worthless to be there. I know I have to put on my thick skin to go there. I also have to put away the need to save them all too. Just sit and make them feel human again. I know sometimes that is all I want to feel.

Anyways, I love you Markus.