I have this question come into to my head a lot. When I talk to Markus(in my head). I may never get a response but I still talk to him. I guess it is one way of to coping with it all. I think "do you know what its like to miss you?", "do you know what its like to see Mom cry all the time?", "do you know what its like to say your name and everyone becomes silent because they are afraid I may cry?", "do you know what its like to know your gone and have my heart sink to my feet in that moment of awareness?".
Tim and I have been together since we were 16 years old. We had a few years apart but basically have been together that long. He is my husband. I am his wife. We just never made it "official". So this November we are. We are getting married November 15 in Mexico. I am making a honest man out of Tim. I keep thinking "do you know what its like.... to not get married because I had no idea how to handle and where to put Markus alive in my wedding....but now he is gone I am getting married in his birth month to make it a little easier for everyone.". I really hope that I can do this. I started doing all this for my Mom. To see my Mom with a bit of a smile on her face. To give her a wedding and some joy.... now I wonder can I do it too? I really miss my brother. I have another brother and I am so happy he is coming to my wedding. We just aren't close. He pushes me away. He pushes everyone away, but I feel like he pushes me away the most. He really just doesn't like me.
Anyways Markus, I love you.
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No one can really understand another persons pain. When you are asked how many family members do you have, you still include Markus. He will always be part of your life, regardless if his physical being is not here. Have a good wedding. We have no control over anyone else but only us. So if your brother pushes you away, you can only say okay.
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